Umm Happy New Year?

Jordan is officially a toddler. Hannah is a straight A student. Isabelle is still dancing to her very own beat about everything. And today I have my lovely 11 year old sister. They are out of school. I had plans to go back to school this year, but no dice. I will be returning to college for fall 2011. I have to find a way to make money this semester, for an attempt at paying down some debt, while not in school. And I feel bad about not being in school. Mostly because I have been looking forward to it. But alas, I have no babysitter, and school starts tomorrow. I also have not registered for any classes, which considering the circumstances, I'm really glad I didn't. My very good friend had a baby on Saturday morning. I'm totally going all over the place. Mostly, I am typing this to procrastinate because I hate doing laundry and thats next on my list. Poo. I better get started. One day I'll actually spend time on this blog. But for now, It's life with 3 kids and a husband. Chores. Umm Yay! At least I have clothes, right?

By the way

Part of what started this was a trust/faith issue recently. I have never had my faith tested the way I did last week. My youngest daughter was in the hospital with pneumonia for 6 days (nov. 9-15). It was a very difficult experience, and while I can now say I am growing, I'm not really sure what happened in the hospital. I know I prayed, but I didn't make any time to listen. I stayed with Jordan the whole time. (for the most part, I took some minor breaks to walk so I didn't gain a ton) I know now, I was carried by God throughout the whole experience, but I can't tell you that I "felt" Him. I know that I was at peace sometime after the first day (after she was out of danger) but I can't tell you that I grew in faith or that I trusted God with the whole situation. Now I am seeking counseling on this matter from a dear friend and hopefully she can and will be able to help me sort this out because I am kind of confused about this. Of course this is the first time I've matured in faith, so forgive me if you already know all this, or have been through this. It's all in all the first time I have been confused in regards to God. Normally He gives me the understanding. I have had to seek counseling before, but this is totally different. Maybe I'll start school and then be able to go to the spiritual formation retreat class thing that my pastor and I talked about a while back. Maybe that will help me? I know studying the bible/reading scripture will. God will lead me to the passages I need to read. Ah well, time to get the rest of these clothes put away, then I think bedtime. I'm way too tired. Emotionally and physically. Will write more when I can. Peace, faith and Love

OH MY GOSH

I'm freaking out a little bit here!!! I am taking a step out in faith and going back to school. We are very nearly broke, can't afford to pay many bills at all, my husband doesn't make much but we are able to take care of our kids. (whew) I have to make an appointment with the counselors at the school the week after thanksgiving. I'm telling you this is a HUGE step for me and I don't know.. I have a crazy whacko case of the "what ifs". I do KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing exactly what I'm being led to do (and have been led to do for quite some time, but haven't been paying enough attention, and/or ignoring the call). As much as I hate to admit that I have been ignoring this, it's exactly what I have been doing. I talk about faith, but I'm scared right now. I don't even know why. I know God is in control, and know that everything will be dealt with. I just don't know how I misplaced the faith. I don't know what I did with the trust. I know that everything will come together in His time. I think my problem, is that I want to know what's going to happen. I want to know if Lance will get a raise, or my baby will take off as a model, or I will have to get a job. I want to know all of these things and when they're going to happen. And as much as I know that everything will work out, I am having the hardest time with it. Thinking I need some serious counseling myself. That is, by the way, my calling. To be a Christian counselor. Yes I know that I won't make much money, but I also know I will be well provided for and I will see my rewards in heaven. That is what matters. Not what I get on this earth, other than the satisfaction of knowing I helped someone. What am I doing? Is this right?????? Yes it's right. I NEED to do this. It's what I have to do. It is part of my purpose. Be blessed all. Hopefully I won't pull all my hair out between now and next semester

I feel bad

I just really pray that Lance will grow in faith. I know it doesn't all happen at once. I know the relationship has to grow and blossom. But, I wish it would happen a bit quicker. And in the meantime, he could have that trust. The trust and calm that I know. And I say that, but I'm still stressing a bit over money/a job for me. I know I need to get a job. No one is calling me back. I think it's time to call on good old Sonic again. This time, I will work much closer to home though. I know I'm growing in my faith though. Reading a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. This is one of the best books I've ever read. God, through this book is changing my heart and my life. I know this beyond the shadow of doubt. And I'm so excited to see how I change for Him. While I do wish it would happen a little quicker, I also know that it's a lifelong journey. The girls have been driving me NUTS! I'm doing better with patience. For example, they are currently singing "Blood dripping down your back, blood dripping down your arms." I'm having a difficult time typing now. Jordan is crawling all over me. Will post later!

The girls...

Hannah is doing well everywhere else, but not here. She comes home and it's like all the rules are not in place. She doesn't really care about getting into trouble. I don't understand this, and now Isabelle is learning how to be disrespectful and disobedient as well. I'm just getting a bit frustrated and don't really know what to do with them anymore. Discipline only goes so far.
Isabelle has a stubborn rash that I had to get a prescription for. So now she has to actually sit still for a minute while I put it on. Hopefully it makes the rash go away...
I signed Jordan up for a magazine cover contest and she is a finalist. So I said, "what the heck" and put in her pictures to a modeling agency. Now I can do it for all my kids and they would more than likely get at least one offer. There are SO many times that I am told they are beautiful. Just haven't gotten a good picture of them lately. They're always moving and dancing or at school or doing something and won't hold still long enough for me to get a good picture. Maybe I'll get a pro to do theirs... Hmm...

Lance is FINALLY starting to listen adn he is truly growing. It's SO exciting to see the growth in him. I know I was happy and excited when I finally chose to do what the Lord asked of me and listen but to see this stubborn man let go is amazing. Truly amazing. God is so wonderful and I'm so glad that He's changing our hearts and minds. There is no better way. More to write later. Now to start dinner. :)

Jordan walking

Jordan wants to walk. She is 17 months old. She will only walk when I'm holding her hands or around a table. Her left foot turns in when she steps. I don't know if it's painful for her, but I've decided to wait out the month in frustration for her dr appt. I really wonder, however, if she really should see him now... I'd love to get her in, but I don't know if he'll just tell me to come back in a month because that's when they start worrying about problems with walking. I'll call and ask the nurse. Meanwhile, I'm tired and my back aches and my shoulders hurt. I NEED a vacation!! Ok well, we all do

Girls Night Out

So a couple friends and I wound up going to Olive Garden on 10/16. Not much of a girls night out, but it's definitely more than I am accustomed to. We had a great time just laughing and talking. Now to set up one for next month.

When I came home, however, it looked like a tornado had hit the inside of my house. The kids didn't go to bed until 10pm and my husband was playing with the computer (updates or something). So I get him to clean up a bit and update my fb. He had the nerve to ask me why I got on face book! When I told him I wanted a night off, I specifically stated I was NOT cleaning when I got home, but I wanted it done... I got mad and left, and was back home withing 10 min. I can't stay gone. So I came home and we talked it out, but we'll see if he does better.  He has been so far.

I want to start jogging, but I'm not sure what time I should. Probably early morning, because it's cooler, but I'm definitely more of a night owl than anything else. Alright well, that's all for now. Will post more when I have time. Hard to find with 3 kids and a husband who sometimes just wants to be a kid. lol